Freshman Blog

“Becca, Ashleigh, and Ashley – we’re gonna collaborate on a blog!” I run in the room yelling.

Off-handedly Rebecca mutters, “Stop, collaborate, and listen...”

THIS is the type of friendship we have - completely unexplainable, but totally in sync.  [“N*SYNC? You may hate me but it ain’t no lie, baby bye bye bye BYE BYE,” Ashleigh had to add.]

Rebecca’s mom teaches an 11^th and 12^th grade girls Sunday school class, and since Becca was home Sunday, they interrogated her.  The umbrella topic of the discussion was, “What advice would you give yourself as a senior?” So that’s what we’re gonna do for YOU.

Disclaimer: This is not a “Come to Judson because it’s awesome, and if you apply right now you get a free jumbo blue slushy because those make everyone happy” blog.  This is a “I wish I’d known this” blog.

Advice #1 from Rebecca: “Don’t eat old yogurt.” Explanation from Ashleigh: “It makes you poop funny.”

Advice #2 from Rebecca: “Don’t get so caught up in belonging somewhere, because at home, I felt like I belonged somewhere. I had my place, my people, respect, popularity kind of thing... but when I came here, I didn’t think I ‘belonged’ here.  But now I understand that as God’s child, I don’t ‘belong’ anywhere in the world.  I belong to Him.”

Advice #3 from Ashleigh: “Apply to EVERY SINGLE scholarship you possibly can.”

Advice #4 from Ashley: “Don’t try to please everybody else because you’ll end up getting hurt and doing something you regret. You’ll never be able to please everybody.”

Advice #5 from Ashleigh to Ashley, who was chugging a bottle of water: “Don’t drink so much water that you make yourself sick!”

Advice #6 from Rebecca: “Don’t get a roommate who has bad gas.” [“Gee, thanks Becca,” is Ashleigh’s reply.]

Advice #7 from Rivers: “Realize that you have the most free time and resources at this point in your life. As busy as you think you are, you can actually do so much more for your community and for the kingdom of God than you will be able to in college.”

Advice #8 from Ashleigh: “Always shave your arm pits before you go to church in a sleeveless dress.” Further explanation from Rivers: “Yeah, you don’t want to freak someone out when you feel the Spirit and lift your hands in worship.  You don’t want to have to hinder the Spirit.”

Advice #9 from Rebecca: “Appreciate each stage in your life and don’t try to rush them.  Like, when you’re single, praise God for that time you have for just you and Him, that you can glorify Him.  When you’re in high school, appreciate the opportunity you have to minister to the people around you.  Everything – jobs, marriage, boys, life – will come in God’s timing.”

Advice #10 from Ashley: “Stop doing what you want to do and listen to God.”

Character.

It's who you are when no one is looking.

Good character.

It's not using Google translator on your Spanish homework.

It's making the money your parents gave you last longer than a week.

It's reading your Bible as much as you act like you do.

It's admitting that you've experienced and done some of the same horrible things that other people have.

Bad character.

It's the me that I'm getting to know.

For a long time, I've been able to fool other people into thinking that I'm efficient, motivated, confident, and organized.

To be honest, no one knows the real me. I didn't even know the real me, until recently.  My eyes are being opened to my own character.  Each day, I realize another aspect of my true self that I despise.  I'm seeing that who I am at this point in my life is not who I expected to be. 

I'm reminded of a lyric in a song by Francesca Battistelli:

"When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow."

This explains my life very well.  Always expecting to be something, but never taking the steps to become that something.  When I was 8, I told everyone I was a Christian. I knew what one was supposed to look like, so that's how I made myself look.  I thought I had everyone fooled. Five years later, God slipped into the room where I hid behind a closed door.  I couldn't fool Him. Point blank.

I know what an efficient worker, a motivated student, a confident woman, and an organized leader looks like.  Sometimes I am those people.  More times, I'm not. 

I want to help women see their beauty, yet I hardly ever see my own.

I expect Christians to share their faith, yet I rarely share my own.

I leave the room when people are gossiping, only to go to another room to share the latest news.

Hypocritical? Of course. Let you who are without [the same] sin cast the first stone. 

The book of my life would be open to this page regardless of where I had gone to school, or who my friends were.  Thankfully, because of the influence of Judson sisters and professors here, the next page of my book is filled with maturity and wisdom. 

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like at a public co-ed university.  I can definitely see the possibilities.  It's possible that I would be failing, from lack of understanding, in the larger classrooms.  It's probable that I would be in another dead-end relationship, just like high school.  I would most definitely not have the friendships that I have made at Judson.  I would possibly even doubt my Christian values. 

All I can say is... Thank God I came to Judson.  Thank God that I have professors who are willing to thoroughly teach me their discipline.  Thank God that the staff, including professors, are willing to counsel me if I needed it.  Thank God that I don't have the distraction of guys when I'm not ready to be in a relationship.  Thank God for each and every friendship I have made and will make.  Thank God for the solid Biblical teaching and spiritual nourishment I have received here.

At the end of the day, I am thankful that God placed me at Judson... where I can become a woman of true character.

Mothers.  They're always there for you.  They let you dress up in their clothes when you can hardly complete sentences.  They cry on your first day of school.  They volunteer to read "Little House on the Prairie" to your fourth-grade class everyday after lunch.  They are your lifejacket through the tidal wave of tears from backstabbing middle-school girls and high school break-ups.  They are the ONLY family members willing to take you shopping - no doubt an all-day affair.  They fix your hair for prom, and take all the pictures their camera cards will hold.  Eventually, they'll help plan your weddings and spoil your children.  They love you when you feel unloved, and they'll shoot straight with you when no one else will. 

They are just a part of life, right?

But what happens when they're taken from you - when you can't call them up to see what you should do about a problem with a friend?  When you can't send them a picture of something you really REALLY want for Christmas?  When they're not there to tell you a million times to "be careful and wear your seatbelt" on your way home?  When they're not there to greet you with a hug as soon as you arrive home?

I've always avoided thoughts like these; most people do.  Death is not a fun thing to think about, much less admit that it is a part of life.  But moms don't die, right? I mean, that's just downright inconceivable.

A dear friend and Judson sister of mine, Taylor, is learning how to face the inconceivable.

Last Tuesday, Taylor's mom lost her battle with cancer.  I was the only one there when she found out; nothing like that have I ever experienced.  Never has my soul been consumed with as much hurt as in that helpless hour.  I ached for her.

Not long after that, I began a chronological Bible reading plan that has brought me into the book of Job.  A righteous man by God's standards, he lost everything - everything but a doubting wife and unhelpful friends.  His wife encouraged him to curse God!  "Look at how God repays your faithfulness," she spat.  His "friends" accused him of sin and rebellion... "Surely you must be terribly guilty in order to deserve consequences such as these!"  In the middle of grief, loss, and doubt, Job remained faithful to the God who never once left his side.  He never rebelled against his God, even when sores arose all over him.

Seeing Taylor, and learning about Job, I am struck with the actualization of mortality.  Death is real.  It's ever present.  It is inevitable.

Yet - "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." (John 14:27)

But Lord, how can I have peace when I'm comforting a friend who just lost her mother?  How can she have peace when she has lost her mother?  HOW??

Because I know the plans I have for you... plans to give you a hope and a future.  And I have the same plans for Kim.  She chose me.  And so did you.

And a few days later, so did Taylor. 

Today's assignment for English 102 was to read Holy Sonnet 10: Death Be Not Proud by John Donne.  This poem sums up the Christians attitude on death perfectly.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, not yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.

Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well

And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally

And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

I love you, Mommy.  I know that I don't tell you enough, but you're at the top of my list - second only to Jesus, and tied with Dad.  I thank God for all of the sacrifices you've made and still do make for the boys and I.  You are a beautiful woman, and I pray to be half the mother you've been to us.  Love, Rivs.

WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH!

I roll over, and am slapped in the face by the overwhelming, unwelcome sunlight.  My reflex is to yank the cover back over my head, to block the angry rays out of my pleasant dreams. 

"7:31," the alarm clock shrieks in a neon shade of red.

Pshh, I have plenty of time.  I don't even have class until 10:00.  Reaching over and fumbling with the buttons and switches, I set the buzzer to go off at 8:30.  Then, I roll back over and give in to my original reflex, slowly and deliberately pulling the covers back over my head. 

By 7:32, I'm completely knocked out.

Lazily, I open my eyes and am welcomed by a committee of the sun's rays.  My entire dorm room is filled with their majesty.  I swear I can even hear birds chirping...

Yawning and stretching simultaneously, I glance over at the clock. 

"9:54," it tells me.

Oh ok, it's only... Wait, WHAT?!

"9:54."

I have class in 6 minutes!  I bolt out of the trap from Satan - I mean, " the bed" - and dash into the closet.  Usually I try to at least smell nice when I have a class at MMI, but... no time for a shower today!  A pair of jeans is yanked off the top of the dirty clothes mountain and a t-shirt is snatched off of the hanger.  I get dressed in record time.

Like lightening, I appear in the bathroom - toothbrush in left hand, hairbrush in right.  Once my breath is fresh and my hair is detangled, I begin to ferociously wipe away smeared eye make-up.  

For the President's Reception last night, I had worn last year's prom dress, with dramatic eye make-up to match.  This morning however the only words my mind could muster were "Make-up is overrated."

I glance at the clock; "9:58," it says.

Heading back into the room, I seize my backpack, tossing my Spanish and biology materials inside.  I unzip the front pocket and retrieve my keys.  As I walk towards the door, I stumble on something... What in the world?

Shoes.  Yep, I probably need those.

I shove my feet inside as I stride towards the door.  Right before I exit, I peer back at the clock... one last time.

"10:00."

Now if you're anything like me, then you want a significant ending to this story.  Something you can think about, learn from, or maybe convince you that I am a mature young adult.

But I've got nothin'.

I can tell you however that  I got caught at a red light, making me curse its inventor, then raced to MMI (not really, deputies of Marion.)  Breathlessly, I made it to class at exactly... (drum roll, please).....

10:06.

Just know this, and never ever forget it: Facebook, Youtube, and Picnik are all evil, and their wickedness increases as the night goes on.  They make you 6 minutes late for Spanish, cause you to stink when surrounded by MMI cadets, and put you in a really grumpy mood that hinders you from reaching your full potentional at Judson College. Just sayin'.

That's all folks.